Talk to the Hand, Cause this Face Ain’t Listenin’

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With the absolute obsession over the new Pokemon Go app (I really mean obsession, according to Survey Monkey, Pokemon GO is now the biggest mobile game in US history with 21 million users just 24 hours after its launch) I’ve taken a trip down memory lane. Growing up in the 90’s and early 2000’s proved to be a weird, yet iconic time; from the heartbreak of finding out your Tamagotchi had died to the heart-attack worthy moment when your Furby went off in the middle of the night and the nervousness of finding out your future destiny via M.A.S.H. with your BFFs, 90’s kids went through a daily emotional roller-coaster. I came up with a list of things that most kids who have ever owned a neon-triangle decorated windbreaker wished they could have done:

Successfully assemble the Shrine of the Silver Monkey
I attribute the onset factor of my acute adult anxiety to this show. The Silver Monkey was three damn pieces. How hard could this have possibly been?! Even after watching a hopeless tiny-bopper finagle their way through a giant obstacle course with fear of the Temple Guard in their eyes and watching the clock tick down to zero as they accept defeat of the shrine .. Many of us would have loved to stand aside Kirk Fogg and rep our favorite team fighting our way with our Pendants of Life.

 SilverPhoto credit: MakeAGIF

 

Collect all the Hit Clips
Before mp3, these were the coolest things to hit the market. Small media players with various “micro music clips” coming in an abundance of colors and styles, much more convenient than carrying around a portable CD player. Nothing like hearing the same 15 seconds of your favorite Britney Spears track over and over again! Also the distance cousin of our beloved “VideoNow”, this is what all the cool kids were jammin’ to.

 Hit
Photo credit:
Rebloggy.com

 

Find a way to make it so the Skip-It never hit your ankle
It was almost like a fit-bit for kids. Although you were able to check your counter and see how many skips you did, you could probably also get a good idea by checking the intensity of the bruise on your ankle, these things worked up some serious momentum and getting one right to the bone was a real life ball and chain situation.

I also question who came up with this toy idea, and how the pitching meeting went down:

Person A: I have a great idea for a children’s toy!
Person B: Shoot.
Person A: It’s a device that kids swing around their ankle and the intention is to try to trip them!!! If they don’t jump over it, they’ll end up face-planting. If they don’t jump quick enough, it shatters their ankle bone!
Person B: Genius.

 nrm_1405020445-tumblr_m0q70bfs391rpw85eo1_500
Photo credit: FashionGrunge.wordpress.com

At least it wasn’t as bad as hitting your ankle with your Razor scooter.

 

Take home a piece of Aggro Crag
C’mon. How bad did you want a piece of the Aggro Crag sitting on a shelf in your room? GUTS was one of the many athletic-based game shows aired in the 90’s, it was essentially Ninja Warrior for snap-bracelet wearing teens. If you could conquer the blasts of glitter snow, falling rock all while scaling the Super Aggro Crag’s walls, you got to take home a piece of the beast. Bad-ass.

 untitled4Photo credit: MentalFloss

 

Have the perfect away message
We all recall the struggle of thinking of the best AIM away message possible. Whether it be conveying your emotions through the lyrics of Mariah Carey’s “Always be My Baby” or getting everything aligned properly and having the colors work perfectly in your Comic Sans font, it was quite the process.

AOL
Photo credit: Buzzfeed

 

Explore every last corner of Hyrule
Maybe I’m a bit partial, but The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time had to have been one of the best video games created. Playing as Link, we’re off on an adventure to stop Ganondorf and learn a number of songs along the way. Is this game the reason I joined instrument lessons in school? Perhaps.

giphy
Photo credit: wifflegif.com

 

Find someone to eat your Easy-Bake Oven creations
You would slave over that light bulb heated oven for MINUTES and no one would even try your water activated miniature treat. Whatever.

6-71768-mm_easybake-1404164699Photo credit: Budget101.com

 

Become the reigning champion of Pogs
Remember those cardboard disks printed with different images that you would trade with your friends for cooler, yet still useless, cardboard disks? You would take turns hitting the face down stack of Pogs with “slammers” and whatever ones fell face up when you hit it, were yours for the keeping.

pogsPhoto credit: Wikimedia Commons

 

Convince mom to get off the phone so you could use the Internet
Nothing like hearing that familiar *pshaweerrurreeettt pshhkkrrrkkaaningg* of your dial-up booting up, only to hear the followup noise of a parent or sibling yell that they need to use the landline. Ugh, buzzkill.

aol-dial-up-630x354
Photo credit: TechnoBuffalo

 

Grow up to have a love like Cory and Topanga’s
Yup. Still banking on this to occur. Setting unrealistic expectations of our future relationships since 1993, Cory and Topanga will forever be #RelationshipGoals.

 

579f98fd7cf126aab280cb0784a14da2
Photo credit: QuotesGram

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